Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
