She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
