in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
