everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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