Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
