Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
