why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
