At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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