I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
