Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
