2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
drinking out of a sandbucket again
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just want nice things and good sex
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