NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
