so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
