At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Randomize
