can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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