just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I need water and some morals
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
