I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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