Don't make out with my wife yet
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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