When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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