What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
