I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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