My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My cat gives me a boner
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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