really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Operation Purity has been aborted
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
