fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
