Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
