i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Who died my cat blue again?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
