Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
