ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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