if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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