If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
