It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
