Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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