I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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