do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.