Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.