why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
My liver just had a heart attack.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
