That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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