Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
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