I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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