Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
