you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
