Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
