Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
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