she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
