I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
