why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
