**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
How's work?
Spinning.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
