If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
