Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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