This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
