Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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