She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
