It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
