He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I looked at my own cervix.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
