Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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