No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
