We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
