When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
