I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
