If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
