youre lurking in front of me
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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