got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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