maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
