So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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