It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
