Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
