i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
