how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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